Boundaries

“Establishing boundaries is one of the best ways to preserve your emotional energy and define who and what you allow in your life” - Linda Esposito.

Boundaries are something that many people will not understand, especially if you are setting boundaries against them.

Especially with somebody that you love.

You see when we allow people in our surroundings to say mean things about us, post awful stuff on the internet, and use things you have told them in confidence against us, you are essentially giving them permission to continue doing so and showing them the words and treatment that you will accept.

You are continuing the cycle of shame that we have talked about before because regardless of whether you believe it or not, the people that we surround ourselves with are a representation of our entire selves.

We are allowing others to depict our worth.

We can’t do that when we have worked so hard to recognize it.

You see, when we allow this negativity into our lives, it seeps in and becomes a part of our subconscious and becomes how we move about our lives, maybe without even realizing it.

Boundaries can look a variety of different ways, there is no right or wrong way - only what feels right to you.

As mentioned, they won’t like it.

They may come out kicking and screaming, calling you selfish and making claims that you are harming them and will “have you on their podcast someday” to essentially show the world what kind of horrible person you are despite the fact that you have done everything in your power and have given them all of the advice that you know. Back before you realized that we are only responsible for healing ourselves, back before you realized that you can’t fix everybody and can only fix yourself.

This isn’t to reject how hard it must be for them - rejection is a killer.

But you’ve got to have hope that maybe someday that they will see the lesson in it too.

That they will recognize that you did it for you because YOU are the most important in this story.

Some summaries of Brené Brown’s work discuss how boundaries and compassion (something I will talk about later) goes hand in hand - that boundaries are a prerequisite because if we are unable to hold others accountable for how they are treating us, how do we hold ourselves? When we are allowing others to take advantage of us (yes, being mean is taking advantage) we are choosing the path of being liked over being free.

OnGuard, according to Essential Emotions is the oil of protection. “It helps to shield individuals from harmful threats and aids individuals in warding off energetic parasites”. It is a tool that is “incredibly helpful for strengthening the inner self along with the inner resolve to stand up for oneself and live in integrity” (*get in contact for 25% off of the oil).

Here is an article that talks about boundaries more in-depth (where they stem from etc.).

“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously” - Prentis Hemphill