The Small t’s

When we are able to listen and feel into what our body is telling us, we are giving it (whatever it is) permission to leave our bodies.

Not taking up space like it otherwise would.

You see, when we ignore a trauma of any type (the capital T, traumas and the smaller ones), they store up in our bodies; cramming up our cells; leaving little room for growth and movement of our energies*; storing up, lying stagnant in our bodies and coming out in forms of mental health, addictions and more.

So much of what our society is currently suffering with and if you grew up in a household at all similar to mine (knowing your family loved you, but afraid to be seen or feel any hard feelings … let alone talk about them), you may understand that we also have a society that continues to promote just this.

I digress.

The energies in our systems need flow; to be released to allow for new energies to come in; no longer allowing the stuff that has happened to us to take up space in our futures.

This comes up for me after a [small trauma*] that I initially shoved to the side and thought was no big deal.

Until the week went on and I could feel my body ceasing up and in some pain; a response that my muscles took on as a result. As “luck” would have it, the universe was on my side and I already had a massage appointment booked for just a few days later. It wasn’t until that day (of my massage) that I realized my body had been storing up the energies that I had not acknowledged and was already coming out in my whole demeanour. My massage therapist (who is SO knowledgable and one of my favourite people to learn from) could tell that something was off.

I hopped on the table and released in the form of tears. They were brief and came without warning, but I didn’t hide them and allowed for the little release that I very clearly was needing.

The massage was another form of that; giving my muscles that had tensed up so deep in the moment of impact, room to relax. To stand down and not be in the protective mode that they had gone into. The tension, slowly moving through my body.

Over the next few days, I had, I guess what you could call a cold - but on an intuitive level, I knew it was my body getting rid of the shit from that morning. I got the chills (que in Danny Zuko), I was so cold and just needed to be wrapped up - I heard something in a podcast just recently about chills being a natural physiological response to traumatic events (the big and small), I wish I could remember which podcast so that I could link it up/ listen to it again with a fresh experience in my repertoire.

I needed to sleep, I had little energy to do much of anything. AND I didn’t put pressure on myself to perform all the little tasks that come with life. My worth is not depicted on what I am capable of doing at any given time (an affirmation for myself and for you).

I relaxed any moment that I could. I still went to work that whole week so it was still busy, but homelife looked a little different (I say little because I do give myself the space to rest/ not perform during certain stages of my cycle) in the sense that I slept. and I slept. and I slept. &I had the most wonderful, needed bath with AromaTouch* to get me into an even deeper state of relaxation.

Some days following (we’re still fresh, it has only been 5 days since it happened), my body has continued to do what it needs to, in order to release and I can feel it coming to a close, the final release being communication about experiences.

Funny? how I was experiencing a sore throat (helllooo throat chakra needing to communicate) and as I have been able to witness that (while still doing all my hocus hocus natural things to support said sore throat) through some Breathwork which included tapping where we felt our bodies needed it (aka my throat) and just processing/ reflecting on the experience, my symptoms have begun to subside.

It is all intimately connected.

On another, similar note, being a Social Worker and always being intrigued with psychology (just with more unapologetic woo these days), I wanted to talk about some stages of grief here too (or at least some of my thoughts on it) as I have witnessed it through some of this experience.

The five stages of grief were coined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and in most things you read (although admittedly, its not a topic I have studied extensively … just here and there), a lot of it talks about the stages of grief occurring after the loss of somebody, but I believe it plays a role in all of our traumas (capital T and the small ones) as well:

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

Denial, I talked a bit about above. The society we grow up in, teaching us that things aren’t a big deal or to just “get over it”. I totally experienced this, in a manner of truly (consciously) believing that it wasn’t a big deal - in fact, I went straight to work after it happened. Sure, in a bit of shock … but mostly in a manner of “what the fuck just happened” and trying to laugh it off. I spoke about how that manifested for me.

Anger. I am typically not an angry person. Of course, I have anger and get mad about things, but I have become very good at acknowledging, communicating and using my skills to work through the anger. It was a whole other ball game this week, and I found myself yelling (like I have never yelled before) at something that was completing out of my control. Like who even was I?

Bargaining. I didn’t find myself here, I am very much of the mindset that everything happens for a reason; to teach us a lesson and push us forward … in whatever manner this looks. However, it is such a valid place to be for those who have not surrendered to the universe (whatever it is that you believe), bargaining for somebody to stay (ie: the its my fault, I will do better trauma response) or to rewrite the story so that it doesn’t have to be so painful/

Depression. Another valid and importance place to give yourself the space to be. While the word depression is not my favourite because it has so many negative connotations to it, it does signify a time where our body does not have the energy to move about our regular day-to-day lives, rather requiring the rest and digest that we talked about above.

Acceptance. I too, was already here in the sense of my beliefs that everything happens for a reason, but nonetheless an important step to take to really move you forward. When we learn to have acceptance for ourselves and for our experiences, the unimaginable can happen (and what that looks like, is completely up to your timeline and how you choose to move about your life).

We, as a human race deserve to be living a life where the traumas are not holding us captive in our own lives anymore; releasing them (we’ll talk more about that soon) so that we can live a life in our true essence (aka. whatever the fuck it is that makes us happy) and no longer what society has coined as successful. I highly recommend the book, The Body Keeps the Score to dive more into it, I only touched some of the surface today.

*energy weaves throughout our entire body; another layer of our beings that affects how we are able to present ourselves in this life. If this sounds out of sorts to you, think of a room you’ve walked into where you have felt tension… like an argument has just happened (we all have). This is energy. The not so feel good kid, but energy, nonetheless.

*a small trauma, as described in Psychology Today is “not inherently life or bodily-integrity threatening, but perhaps better described as ego-threatening due to the individual left feeling notable helplessness”.

*aromatouch is an oil to be used for deep relaxation. It is a blend, according to Essential Emotions that is soothing to both the mind and body, offering comfort in times of grief and sorrow