THE HEART
In honour of love day and my own heart cracking wide open over these past several years, I wanted to share some experiences. On a deep cellular level, our heart can either keep us staying small or catapult us into a whole other dimension.
We’ve talked briefly about it in Love over Fear
➡️ moved through some hyper-independance and freeze mode that may have kept our hearts in a bit of a frozen state.
✨ and now to move through some of the systems that were at play and the deeper union that happens on the other side.
A rose honours love, for ourselves and for those around us.
Love is a funny thing, something that you feel deep in your bones. Deep in your soul. When you begin to see yourself, individually, in partnership and in deeper connection to everything; when you express yourself; love yourself; feel yourself; be yourself, you begin to witness life for the beauty that it is.
You begin to witness how the confidence and empowerment and love within self trickles out to those around you.
You take full accountability for self. Showing compassion and forgiveness for all the parts along the way.
Having an awareness of the factors that played a part in the angry, closed off version of you and now seeing that you don’t need to let those agents of control determine your life and well being anymore.
Our disconnection from love starts from the very beginning of our lives; if you’re from in and around my generation (older millenial), you may have had a family that was very disconnected from their emotions, not knowing how to give the love that a baby/ young child is seeking. The generational impact of the patriarchy disconnecting us from ourselves.
An impact on our hearts from the very start as a whole collective.
The disconnection from our womb; from our sensuality and sexuality. Who we are at our core (sex) yet coming from a world that demonizes or shames it.
The hookup culture that is so normalized. I was here and through work realized I was just giving myself the love that I thought I deserve … which is slim to none in this context.
The unrealisitc expectations of the very masculine energy of having sex (thanks to porn) as opposed to slowing down into our femininie, into our sensuality.
The disconnection or shame in pleasure.
Changing that narrative of pleasuring self into a means for release and deeper connection; pleasure with another for love and passion and further connection too.
When we open here, we can make deeper space for our passions in life; welcoming in all the lessons and paths with love and curiosity.
With our hearts being the keeper of our passions, by leaning into our pleasure we are allowing for the natural flow of energy, of creativity, of power to crack open our heartspace and allow for us to live in deeper and deeper alignment.
The narrative of partnership.
The need for radical independance, which can sometimes have us fear the dependance on others.
For me, it was common to hear complaints or judgement from women about men. Anger running through generations of women whose power was stripped from them or being in pure survival mode, needing a man because of said power not being present.
The narratives of love with someone being a struggle.
Yes, there are points in relationship that are hard but pain does not equal love even thoough that is maybe how you have experienced it up until this point.
Wounds from the hyper-independance and us not being able to ask for help … but getting angry and building resentment for your partner for not reading your mind (lolll done this).
The wounds or trends going around over the last few years about leaving the unhealed man. Fuck, that one got to me. Of course, there are layers to this, but this plays into the needing to fix (looking outside of ourselves) or the idea that only the healed people are worthy of love.
The institution of marriage.
A big one for me.
From deep wounds and witnessing what I knew and felt in my body as not how I wanted my life to look, marriage never felt like it was in the cards for me. I had zero interest in it.
What I now know as my heart being underactive because of the layers that I personally held in; in regards to lack of self confidence, self esteem, anger living within me, sadness and all the other emotions that generations before me have not been able to feel.
Eventually recognizing that we get to build the life that we desire; that we don’t need to be bogged down by all that society expects and to keep honouring the growth and the building of what feels right to you in relationship.
The narrative of marriage being a piece of paper, or the real fear of breaking a contract (divorce) that you committed to. The layers of emotions that can arise with this alone.
Never witnessing marriage as a celebration, rather being an accomplishment or a box you could fit into.
When our hearts are closed off because of any of the above reasons and beyond, we are cutting ourselves off from pure joy. From relationship, from being seen, from your intellect.
Where the bridge between your lower and upper chakras are a little misaligned and out of flow where you can present as:
being overly committed, having a lack of boundaries, poor energy hygiene, co-dependancy or overgiving, fear, avoidance, lack of trust, closed off to receiving.
What can we do?
Sure we can talk about all these things over and over again; but awareness is only the first step and while it can take you very far, it can go much deeper.
… all of the energies of the past are within your energetic body, and until you are able to find practices that help you somatically move through these, you may find yourself remaining stuck in loops or patterns of all the things we have talked about up to here.
With Breathwork being the number one somatic healing tool and the practice that has changed my entire trajectory, I invite you to explore the modality. Either through checking out the possibilities that I have to offer you, or simply signing up for the email list to begin exploring what we do over here.
A heart practice: try at least seven minutes of 2 quick inhales into the heart and to quick exhales out.
Inner child work: there are some wounds within you that need the love and attention that you once did not receive.
Practicing self compassion and forgiveness.
Support groups.
Healthy boundaries and self love practices.
Acknowledging the hurts and where they have previously held you back; through expression of art, dance, voice +++
♥️
What can happen on the other side of all of this?
As I mentioned, a whole life trajectory change.
When your heart starts to open, you begin to see all that you are worth. You start seeing what you have to offer the world and begin taking aligned action in the direction that feels right to you.
No longer accepting what does not align and the low vibe energy of what so much of society offers - choosing to go at life your own way.
Maybe you even decided to re-route and take another heart-opening action, one that once seemed totally out of your values system. Maybe you choose to get married and commit your heart to somebody.
When Zack and I first got together, neither of us had an interest in a real relationship - him, because he had just gotten out of something tumultuous, me because I liked to be alone (heyoooo hyperindependance, freeze mode and not seeing my true heart and worth). That quickly changed as we realized we didn’t want to be a part from each other and so we spent all moments together possible (which was very limited in the beginning with him being the main caregiver of his boys and us not really knowing what we were).
Enter in life that was trying to tear us apart and made for an interesting (to say the least) start to our “real relationship”. But we built and became stronger, knowing and feeling that this was deeper, still in a state where we were pretty angry at the systems and had zero interest or understanding of what the true meaning of marriage or love was, the celebration of your love.
Instead, being in codependance. reliance. or other narratives that keep you over or under active (on a while body level).
I began my deep healing journey; unlearning, integrating and opening up to all of the possibilities that I once couldn’t see. But on the flip side of that, I was angry and trying to make Zack see what I was seeing - the narrative of trying to “fix” him was very strong and I acted on that.
All the of the narratives and mannerisms of the women before me and how they talked to and/ or about their partners was being repeated in me. Losing that sense of security that we had built because before this.. I had learned and embodied that I wouldn’t be accepted for my opinions or views. How is he going to love me when I am not the same person that he fell for?
Coming out in blame and needing him to change with me.
Except thats not how it works.
&he knew that… so he just kept loving me and accepting me and holding space for me as I fought against him.
He grew up in a very different household, where love was the center. Our perspecticves of life clashing together into a union that neither of us once expected.
Him softening me, me holding up him.
&so one day, not that long ago … I brought up the idea of marriage. The opposite of what we had ever talked about and quite the surprise and cracking open of two deserving hearts.
A deeper spiritual connection to each other, a bonding, a commitment and a celebration of all that we have overcome together.
The cracking open of both of us, him in his ways, mine in mine.
A marriage that is for us.
A heart opening in the ways we never once expected.
