Thoughts from the Fall, 2024
It has been a season of so many things; reflection, overdoing it, money wounds/ tests, recognizing the importance of breaks.
When I quit my stability back in September, I thought that I would have so much time on my hands to get all the things done that come along with life and a new business. Turns out, I did not … and I have just been overworking myself for the past five years as I built the foundations out. Needless to say, the girl is tired and ready to sit down over the next few weeks to come up with a game plan and a structure.
Knowing that it can and will change, and trusting the flow of life.
Being in flow (with your cycle or the moon) like myself, does not mean that there is no structure, one does not work without the other and too much of one, is either rigid or chaotic.
A mouse reminding me to let go of the details early on in the transition.
I was once somebody who was so focused on the details and how every decision affected our future. Which it totally does, but I have learned to be more in the moment, having a goal and trusting that how I live out my days is what really counts.
A release of overwhelm and a reminder to be grateful for what we do have, even if it doesn’t seem like much sometimes. You have yourself and you have this life that you can choose to live in or be stuck in all the fears and what-ifs.
Some layers of my own past traumas came up this season, I’m not quite at a place to talk about them but I will in time because there has been a lot of reflection on my natural response system in regards to this. I held a lot of shame and anger in my body that I was able to move through.
A recognition how many of my choices in my twenties stemmed from the above, stemming from somebody who was so sad and so alone because the people who did know - didn’t help.
Making a choice to no longer try and prove myself to anybody, rather, just be. Stemming from a deep rooted neglect wound - people who were there, but not actually there.
A lot of healers are healers because of this wound, not wanting others to feel the same way that we did. Whether recognized or not.
Breathwork for our pleasure. We into it?
The fire is within YOU.
Releasing judgement, criticms and expectations of anybody but self.
Trust what each lesson has to teach you.
Much easier said than done, especially in the moment - but as somebody on the other side of some big things that came up through the season, trust will you get you ahead and the negative can just drag you through and down.
The consciousness of our emotions, everything is here to teach us.
Know that your needs are not a burden.
Letting go of my walls, dropping them down even deeper and trusting.
Assurance that I am taking the right path by honouring the feminine, honouring where I am and keeping with the curioisity of where it can further take me.
Leaning deeper into intuition (the trust word again); exploring what I already know and and going deeper into what is coming up for me (something I will talk more about with time).
New goal unlocked: having a tub big enough to have regular tub together.
Meeting people where they are at … all of us are on some sort of journey - this is a hard one sometimes, especially with those you love. I’m trying to honour this myself with some people, but it can be so hard.
Own who we are - a deeper commitment for myself too.
Letting go of the need to know or control - for somewho who was once borderline OCD, this has been a hard one but something that so much growth has stemmed from.
Some reflection on past dates that I was given to look back on - was cool to see timelines or be reminded of when I recognized that I was not prepared to spend my life working in a system that doesn’t look out for you. That I was looking for a life of deeper peace and to see that I am living and achieving this in bigger ways than I ever could have recognized.
A faithful surrender and recognition that things are going to better than I can even comprehend at this time.
Honour my knowing.
My ideas and visions are coming full circle, it is time to integrateand start moving forward them - youve been building out for years.
A message from Big Bold Vision - you are about to receive or be invited to become part of, a grand visionary beginning (and I absolutely have).
Some revelations and plans that will happen in the coming season, that I am SO excited to share when the timing is right.
Moving on from things or places that no longer align, forever being grateful for the opportunities but knowing my worth and the respect that I deserve.
Honouring the growing desire to co-create with conscious, like-minded people.
Making space for passion and desire - sexual healing is big in my journey, I don’t know in which manner yet, but trust and openness is present.
Wisdom is the greatest teacher.
Wanting/ needing to give myself the space for hard conversations - the never feeling good enough that followed me for way to long despite knowing none of it was never intentional.
Many things coming up for me; some wounds and patterns that I am not bringing with me into this next season of life…
Hyperindependance - a biggie that taught me to never ask for help out of fear of being an inconvenience. Feeling at many times, that my entire existence was an inconveneince.
Freeze mode - a whole blog post and a survival mode that I will explore more. I like to understand the things that once kept me back. This was my natural response and controlled so much of my life.
My inability to let love in - for much of my life and for a variety of reasons that will be another blog post to come when the timing is right.
A deep softening that I never once expected.
Firm. Aligned. Concrete.
Yes… more.
Be the student AND the teacher.
I live my life without limitation.
I flow freely with life.
I trust.
