the rhythm of grief
Arriving as I reflect this morning on the immense amounts of grief we/ I have felt throughout the summer. In the wake of the world losing a man who I described to his daughter as a force, the kindest man who would do absolutely anything for anybody and loved the fuck out of my mother in law.
It has been a summer of grief, truthfully.
&this Phoenix is ready to rise.
I attended a grief workshop last year with a man named Michael when I was in placement at Right to Heal, I wish I knew his last name to give the credit where it is due; but he widened my perspective and understanding of grief.
I’ve always known/ felt that it is a fluid emotion (as they all are); not something that you can get over in 2-7 bereavement days like the systematic world tells us. An emotion that hits like a wave; sometimes for lifetimes, others for a season or so.
Professor Neimeyer (the worlds most prolific grief researcher) as quoted from Brené Brown’s Atlast of the Heart says that most people who “struggle with complicating loss feel a great press to find someone willing to hear what others cannot, and who can make sense of the grief without withdrawing into akward silence or offering trite and superficial advice regarding the question it poses”. Exactly why work like Michael’s (I believe he mentioned his wife and him offer it together) is so, impactful.
He spoke about The Gates of Grief, developed/ coined by a man named Frances Weller that expanded how I have ever looked at grief.
It was described as grief having six gates;
“Everything I love I will lose
The places that have not known love
The sorrows of the world
What I expected and did not receive
Ancestoral grief
For what I have done/ not done”
The depths that this carries, the grief that collectively, we are all holding onto in some way or another. No longer so heavy when we do talk about it, when we do find community when we learn tools to integrate the grief within our bodies.
As I mentioned, I experienced ample amounts of grief this summer. Under the guise of “everything I love, I will lose”; a reminder that when we choose to deeply love others, the reality is that one of us will be gone one day. Either from our physical world, or emotionally.
I’ve had two relationships fade out over the season; one with great rupture, the other, a slow fade. Both bringing forward immense amount of grief and the reminder that as you continue to take the steps towards living a life in deeper alignment and trusting/ knowing where your energy is truly received, that people will start to fade away.
And then of course, the force that the world has just lost, physically.
My family is in the depths of some grief right now, and truthfully; I did not use my tools the first night, I decided to drink too much wine … something that has become very uncommon for me as I have done a lot of my own healing. And while I didn’t need the wine for the night to be what it was (which I used to), it felt like soul healing as we laughed and we cried and sat out by the fire to celebrate a man that we will miss greatly, Driver.
I know you are still around us, as the vulture reminded me this morning when I was honouring some sadness moving through me. There’s something wild that happens as you connect deeper to the universe, to the earth and trust.
In lieu of the places that have not known love, take a peak at my blog on resistance; where love was a catalyst in me moving through the lack of trust I had been holding in my body.
Of course, I hold grief over the sadness of the world; its always a mess out there so long as we’re living in division (I wrote a blog about that too) and wounded masculine energy. The warrior who fights aggressively in solidarity. When what we need is more love, and going back to the roots of feminine wisdom; the softer side.
In love.
In deeper flow and presence.
In trust.
“For what I have done”
The grief of older versions of myself. It has been a fucking journey to date; moving through different layers of my integrated survival patterns. The financial survival, the relational survival, the addicitive patterns, the survival of wellness and beyond.
Layers upon layers upon layers that have been met with acceptance, love and learning to deeply connect to my body where it stores grief that has been moving through generations and generations (“ancestral grief”).
With others including:
connecting to my heart
big, deep hugs
Easy Air (the essential oil) rolled over my lungs, where a lot of grief can be stored
Forgivess, Love and Compassion for all pieces
Deep Breaths in, long exhales out.
and connection to my email list to stay up to date on all the ways I can be of support through your mental wealth journey (grief included).
